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Top 10 Best and Worst of 2009

Ah yes, my yearly album reviews of the past year. 2009 showed a lot of promising talent, some horrible and some really, really, really, really, reaaaaally, REALLY, NEW MEXICO HORRIBLE.

2009 was the year of female electropop singers. How they totally dominate the scene with edgy electronic tunes and perfect voice. But also, the return of several great artists and groups.

So let's begin.

TOP 10 LIST OF THE BEST ALBUMS 2009

10. Arctic Monkeys - Humbug
Thrid album of Arctic Monkeys made them dip a little bit of the awesomeness of the "My Favorite Worst nightmare". It is still the Monkeys style but it lacked some power tunes, if compared to the first two albums. It is a good attempt and felt more of a polished up and mature AM. It was a good effort to change the music into a new direction and gets a well deserved 10th place.

9. Little Boots - Little Boots
Little Boots showed why she should be considered to be one of the best electropop queens of 2009. Brilliant tunes, wonderful lyrics and just a bounce in this woman which makes her more interesting. Lady Gaga, watch out. Little Boots is after you.

8. Imogen Heap - Eclipse
Frou Frous ex-singer Imogen Heap showed why she still has it. With her unique voice, lyrics and tunes it is clear why this album has been praised. Everything from her tweets in twitter provided why this album is one of the years greatest. Two grammy nominations showed also why.

7. Peter Björn and John - Living Things
Swedish Peter Björn and John followed up their first album with great success. The sound has changed and the lyrical content as well. But, they managed to pick it off with great success. The first album was happy and cheerfull, the second a bit dark and evil. But they still kept the glory on becoming one of swedens best indieexports.

Kanye West would agree.

6. Kasabian - West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
Kasabian always had the potential to be something great, but this time they achieved with their third album. Great beats with great lyrics puts the rockers on the map on being this year most experimental, creative rock album of the year.

5. Metric - Fantasies
Canadian indieband Metric was not widely considered to be mainstream until the third album Fanatsies. The band created great electronia sounds with great guitar tunes. And the voice of lead singer Emily hanes just baked the greatest indie-rock album of the year. How much do I love it?

Enough to convince North Americans to switch to the Metric System.

Bad joke, I know.

4. La Roux - La Roux
Out of this years female singers, La Roux impressed me the most. Not only because La Roux managed to capture and savior the electronia tunes of the 80s (Depeche Mode, Yazoo, Erasure etc) it has told the world why this generation of synthpop was the greatest. La Roux with singer Elly Jackson (and her awesome hair) showed the world that synthpop was not dead.

It was only not made by the right artists. La Roux was the perfect match.

3. Regina Spektor - Far
Regina Spektor. I love you.

Your witty lyrics, your beautiful voice, your beautiful piano and your smile. Mix them together and your fifth album showed us why you are considered (alongside Imogen Heap) to be one of our generations most creative singer/songwriters. Not only did this album show us your otherside but also how much creativity you can squeeze out. Considering this is the fifth album, you still proved us that you still have a whole lot of creativity left.

How we love you for it.

2. Lily Allen - It's not Me, It's you
It was a sad day when miss Allen wrote that she was taking a pause from music. The second album showed why she is the queen of pop. Her sound and lyrics may have changed from the first album "Alright still" but her sense of humour, creativity and lyrical ability have remained intact. It is a delight to listen to this album and it is no wonder why people recognize her second album more than her first.

The first album will remain a favourite for me but the second album might just pinch the spot from my heart and cabin of greatest albums of our decade.

1. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
This years best album. No doubt. The musical genius of Animal Collective showed why the warm and friendly sound of Merriweather Post Pavilion is such an amazing hit. The sound, the lyrics and the warmth that you get while listening does not quite explain the feeling when you get when listening but it does make you feel special.

Not that it is bad, but the generic feeling of it being mystical, weird, eccentric and a much more satisfying listening than their previous release. It is their best release yet and yes, it's wonderful.

I am so high of this album I would even claim that this is the most flawless album. To Date.

Do yourselves a favour. Listen to this album with an open-mind and get yourself thrown into a world of colours.



Honorable mentions
Annie - Don't Stop
Fever Ray - Fever Ray
Noisettes - Wild Young Hearts
White Lies - To Lose my Life
Mute Math - Armistice
The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love
Florence and the Machine - Lungs
The Prodigy - Invaders Must Die
The Sounds - Crossing the Rubicon
Royksopp - Junior
A Camp - Colonia
Nouvelle Vague - 3
MSTRKRFT - Fist of God
Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
Beyonce - I am...Sascha Fierce


TOP 10 WORST ALBUMS OF 2009 AKA. MOLDY CHEESE

10. Pixie Lott - Turn it On
Pixie Lott emerged with good potential to breakout and become one of the best electro-pop artists of 2009 but sadly her album was disappointing. There have been a new wave of electropop singers (La Roux, Little Boots, Annie coming back) but somehow Pixie Lott did not emerge as the winner. Why? Her two tracks "Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh) and "Boys and Girls" were good tunes. The rest? Not so good. A little more effort and you might, probably, might have made it to the honorable mentions list.


9. Flo Rida - Roots
Flo Rida is from Florida (get the pun?). He created the "addictive" get low and the butchering of one of the greatest 80s hit Dead or Alive - "You Spin me Around" featuring the sweet voice of Ke$ha only showed how much of a talent he really is. Sadly, he had the ability to impress with his other songs, BUT I have not found anything that proved that he would impress. It is your typical downtown city club music. Donk donk, add some ripoff tunes and you get Flo Rida. Brilliant? As selling to clueless teenage clubbers yes. To us, hell no.


8. Tokio Hotel - Humanoid
The german angst-emo-goth-pop-jrock-growl-angroy-billkrautz-lolz-electropoprock-alternative(lol)-bubblegumpop group known as Tokio Hotel released this album, both in german and english, trying to reach out both sides of the fans and it was a success. Well at least for Bill Krautz. Not for us music lovers. My ears and a little bit of my soul died.

The cover. Well. It kind of sums the entire album. Stale. Grey. Boring. Unfinished. Questionable.


7. Jonas Brothers - Lines Vines and Trying Times
Ah...the innocence of the Jonas Brothers. The youthful, soft, christian, clean, sober and not-into-sex teens. The music is as usual. The usual as clean, sober, soft and with a huge cup of Disney. Yes. Disney.

When is this phase of Jonas Brothers ending? The effort of trying to behave as adults is boring as hell. The generic pop-rock that they are providing is pathetic and not to mention at least boring. There might be some sort of Jonas Brothers crazyness out there still, but one thing is for sure. They will not be around, for some time more.

The entire idea with purity rings might be causing a reverse affect. Joe Jonas. You player. Taylor Swift and Camilla Belle.

You player.

Imagine if you did not have the rings, Joe.

I fucking hate you.


6. Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D
BEP had the opportunity to seriously capture my interest on them again. The first two albums were brilliant with will.i.am providing the most brilliant tunes of the first two albums.

Somehow, this album fell flat. Horrible tunes, bad lyrics and somehow it felt as Will.I.Am just imagined that he would stroll and become awesome without any effort on doing the production.

How wrong he was. Oh how wrong he was...


5. Mika - The Boy Who Knew Too Much
Mika. I didn't really like your first album so I was hoping your second album would do better.

No it did not. It's the same old story again, generic pop-tunes with you singing/screaming your high pitched voice around the world. I never liked it due to it's annoying setup from the first album.

And I did not like the second album as well.


4. Chris Cornell - Scream.
Oh Chris. My dear Chris. You were awesome in Soundgarden and joined up Audioslave to create brilliant music with the rest of RATM members. Now that you are alone and without the awesomeness of the RATM members, we...feel sorry for you. Out goes RATM, in comes Timbaland.

Well that explains everything. Not that Timbaland is a bad producer, it is just that Chris and Timbaland does not compute. It is like putting a Blue Ray Disc to a HD-DVD.

Oh right. HD DVDs do not exist anymore.










BEWARE - THE FOLLOWING REVIEW AND ALBUM WILL SERIOUSLY DESTROY YOU AND YOUR BRAIN AND SOUL. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.










3. brokeNCYDE - I'm not a fan…but the kids like it
I have no words.

2. brokeNCYDE - I'm not a fan…but the kids like it
No seriously.

1. brokeNCYDE - I'm not a fan…but the kids like it
I am not even going to try. No. I am not. Do not make me. Do. NOT. MAKE. ME.

DO NOT MAKE ME. MY REMAINING BRAIN CELLS WANT TO LIVE

OKAY YOU GUYS FORCE ME.

This New Mexico crunkcore band, tries to merge the crunk attitude of the Ying Yang Twins with the hardcore beats of Hadouken and making the coolest mixture ever. "Crunkcore." The music is your standard garage-band program tunes, with Se7en (LOL SUCH A ORIGINAL NAME) screaming like he has a gigantic beaver shoved up his ass and with some sort of pink vibrating dildo inside his neck, throbbing and humping every single fucking time he "growls". When Se7en sings, he sounds like Cher, with his balls shoved into his mouth and shoving his fist into his ass when trying to growl at the same time. The rest of the band, moans and sings about how woman should suck their dicks, skeet skeet around the yellow bus and how WE (people like you and me with decent minds and morals) are jealous about their beautiful, sensational, creative brains that provided this awesome piece of music. Yes. We are so jealous. We cannot write music that are about sex, sex, sex, sex, drinking, taking drugs, getting bitches, nailing bitches, sex toys, sex, sex, and some more sex, maybe some more insults to women about them being whores and fucking whores and yes fucking hoes as well. Add some more cups of how women, no wait, excuse me, hoes that makes their "peepee" hard and how the bitches and whores love the peepees these young men have. And how they should be respected as the general awesome artists as they are. I bet the mothers of these dudes are so proud and happy of how the sons have such a respect towards the wom...erhm, BITCHES, that they are referring. Yeah, they will feel sorry if the bitch is not going with them to suck their dicks and that is why they should go to the liquor store and keeping be gangsta by drinking gin and juice. Shaving pubes and other things.

I do not think they mention women as women. Once. NO I AM SORRY, THEY ARE BITCHES AND HOES. If you don't shave yours pubes bitches, they won't have sex with you. That's right bitch, they are fucking sexy. REMEMBER BITCHES, THEY ARE GOING TO SAY DICK, SO THAT YOU SHOULD SUCK THEIR DICKS, WITH THEIR DICKS STICKING UP.

I cannot explain how the texts are. Or how they affected me. Okay. I will try.

Imagine you wake up in the morning and taking your first cup of coffee but suddenly realizing that someone has actually taken a dump in the coffee grinder and feces is flying everywhere from your room. You try to breathe but the stench of feces that comes into your room is covering your entire soul, mind and body. You run out of the door but realize that feces is flying EVERYWHERE. The garden turns out to be feces, the skies are dumping feces, the entire planet is covered by feces, and you, the sane person, tries to run. But no, the feces is pulling you down. Feces. Feces. And you explode with feces pouring out of you. The entire planet turns into feces. And there is nothing to do. But live, breathe, eat, drink and sleep with feces. That is correct. FECES.

Is there any good tracks? No. Do they provide a good beat? Maybe. And are they showing a big fuck you finger to the critics? Yes they are but they probably are too busy shoving the fingers around each others asses and sucking each others peepees.

No seriously. This kind of music makes me feel mad at the music labels. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY ALLOWED TO CREATE MUSIC?! Not to mention, even realising it to children? They want to be the badass of Disney. How many women have they actually did those things that they have mentioned on the record? Of course they have. The women probably costed a lot and were covered with STDs but that don't bother BrokeNCYDE (Whatever the fucking fuck this means). They are a bunch of pre-teen dudes who sings about having booty calls, skeeting, dropping panties (their own that is) and dreaming away in a world where hoes are nasty, sucking their dicks and fucking them all the time.

It is so horrible. They do not deserve to create music. How the hell can you make a song that has the name Skeet Skeet?!

One dreadful thing comes out of this. Soulja Boy will think much more highly of himself since this album allows him to shine.

The name of the last track? "I'm so sorry" - Oh sweet jesus christ monkeyballs.

But the final conclusion?

This pile of steaming dog shit of album is the worst and horrible thing have been realized on the surface of earth.

I can't believe that I actually listened to this. I will be back, I need get a spoon and carve some pieces of my memory that reminds me that this pile of fucking banana shit piece of unbelievable puke exists.

The sound of someone puking is actually more satisfying than this fucking album. Seriously.

Don't ever listen to this. Ever. If someone gives you this as a present, hit yourself with a chair before you even considered on opening it. Or just take it and make your brain die in pain. Or hit your head with a hammer at the same time when listening to this. That probably would make the experience less painful. Or shove fifteen inch nails under your fingernails.

Yep. That would do it. I am going to get my hammer and nails now. Not because I am listening to it now. It is because I have listened to it and deserve that pain to forget the horror.

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That sums up my list for this year. Do comment and give your views of the best albums or worst albums of 2009.

Do bash me if you are a brokenCYDE fanboy/girl. I love some bashing. Bitches.

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